A Question of E-mail Etiquette?
Aug. 17th, 2009 10:35 am![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
mbarkerRecently we were having a barbecue at lunchtime. We had invited several people, with a deadline for responses several days ahead.
So it was somewhat surprising to find e-mail at midnight the night before the barbecue informing us that someone else would be coming. No apologies for the late response, no question of whether this was possible or not, just a note telling us that they would be there.
I got to thinking about the assumptions. One obvious one is that one more person can be fitted in without any problem. And it's probably true -- although it's a slippery slope, since if several people do this, it may be a serious problem. And the individual making the late response cannot tell whether it is reasonable or not.
There's also a hidden assumption that there's really no preparation time. Buying food, making reservations, or whatever -- a late response like this assumes that you can do everything instantly.
Of course, there's the assumption that e-mail, phone messages, etc. are constantly being monitored. Even more than that, transmission times are instantaneous, and everything is always connected. It's not possible that the host might be sleeping, servers not connected, or anything else like that.
Clearly, I didn't need to respond to their announcement. There wasn't time, and I certainly couldn't expect them to read a message that I might send that night or the next morning, now could I? Which of course points to the fact that they know the process -- they announce, and I agree. So I don't need to send them a message, ask any questions, give them directions, or anything like that.
I still wonder why I bothered putting a deadline for the responses in the message and reminder that I had sent earlier in the week. After all, clearly it wasn't important.
What do people who play this game think? Are the deadlines and such not meant for them? Why do they believe that they can simply respond at their convenience?
The sad part is that this kind of behavior is a tragedy of the commons situation -- when one person does it and gets away with it, others are encouraged to imitate them, and soon the common pasture (or BBQ?) has vanished. Which is not good.
How do I explain this to the youngsters? Especially the youngsters who believe that cell phones and email and other instant media entitle them to act this way?
So it was somewhat surprising to find e-mail at midnight the night before the barbecue informing us that someone else would be coming. No apologies for the late response, no question of whether this was possible or not, just a note telling us that they would be there.
I got to thinking about the assumptions. One obvious one is that one more person can be fitted in without any problem. And it's probably true -- although it's a slippery slope, since if several people do this, it may be a serious problem. And the individual making the late response cannot tell whether it is reasonable or not.
There's also a hidden assumption that there's really no preparation time. Buying food, making reservations, or whatever -- a late response like this assumes that you can do everything instantly.
Of course, there's the assumption that e-mail, phone messages, etc. are constantly being monitored. Even more than that, transmission times are instantaneous, and everything is always connected. It's not possible that the host might be sleeping, servers not connected, or anything else like that.
Clearly, I didn't need to respond to their announcement. There wasn't time, and I certainly couldn't expect them to read a message that I might send that night or the next morning, now could I? Which of course points to the fact that they know the process -- they announce, and I agree. So I don't need to send them a message, ask any questions, give them directions, or anything like that.
I still wonder why I bothered putting a deadline for the responses in the message and reminder that I had sent earlier in the week. After all, clearly it wasn't important.
What do people who play this game think? Are the deadlines and such not meant for them? Why do they believe that they can simply respond at their convenience?
The sad part is that this kind of behavior is a tragedy of the commons situation -- when one person does it and gets away with it, others are encouraged to imitate them, and soon the common pasture (or BBQ?) has vanished. Which is not good.
How do I explain this to the youngsters? Especially the youngsters who believe that cell phones and email and other instant media entitle them to act this way?
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no subject
Date: 2009-08-17 10:47 pm (UTC)On that note... I recently went to a wedding I was late on RSVP; I did get a seat and I did appreciate that I could participate, despite the late rsvp.
So...it really depends. Sometimes you can't help it. If the tone of voice is 'it's my right to be here' then I might impose them to bring some snacks to share since I didn't prepare enough food. :P
no subject
Date: 2009-08-20 07:12 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2009-08-20 03:09 pm (UTC)I think it really depends on the event. If it's casual, hang out, more the merrier..then obviously you wouldn't have this issue. But if it's something more serious...
Well, on one BBQ that I was announcing a special event, I actually invited a person thinking she was a date of a friend. Then later, I learned she was just a good friend. A GOOD friend...but not the significant the other. So I actually ended up calling/emailing her not to come.
I don't think we get along but sometimes you just gotta do what you gotta do. :)