Okay, I read Schlock Mercenary. And today, we are celebrating dream homes?

Over at http://www.directhomefind.com/dream-home/ you can build your own.

Here's mine, apparently.

Your home is a

Futuristic Wizard's Manor

Your kitchen is manned by a team of Keebler Drow Elves. There's a Chocolatessen, which is rapidly becoming your favorite room of the house. Having one is also becoming a trend among your wealthy neighbors. Your master bedroom is decorated to look like the treetop village of the Galadhrim. Your study has every fantasy novel ever written, including multiple editions of the Silmarillion and advance copies of Dungeons and Dragons Fifth Edition. One of your garages contains a life-sized X-Wing fighter, and KITT. (KITT was a gift from a well-meaning uncle.)

Your home also includes a roost for griffons. You've never actually seen a griffon, but you keep the roost ready anyway. Your guests enjoy your home theater with hi-def plasma screen TV, and the thrones you watch it from. Outside is the moat that protects your home from goblin invaders and extended family.

Below is a snippet of the blueprints: